Many things have changed since I was a teenager.
Our lives involved simple and limited processes. Most of us went to school, played outside with neighborhood friends, watched a little TV and went to bed. It was a loop of predictable actions overseen by our parents. Then routines evolved as the world experienced the industrial revolution. We saw all family adults go to work and contribute to household incomes due to inflation and because the stereotypical standards of personal freedom and self worth transformed. Parenting roles were no longer gender specific. We then progressed into the information age where digital access and technology revolutionized how things were traditionally done. Whoever thought we could attend school online! While many gaps in our world were filled and resources became more accessible, we also experienced a rise in mental health issues in teenagers.
As a parent, it is very vital to understand how the brain works. The brains of adolescents are still developing. Their ability to make decisions and understand events is not fully developed. As the gray matter increases in a child’s mind, so do the neural connections. What this means is that by the time they are in their pre-teens, the synaptic “pruning” process begins where they start to eliminate connections that they don’t use or need. Pruning continues until the mid-twenties when the brains fully develop. This is how adults learn to make better decisions. However, since the teenage mind is still working on learning the pruning process, they don’t understand the consequences of their actions fully. Moreover, their frontal lobe which controls the attention span and impulsive decisions is the last part of the brain to develop. This why you see tenagers act on impulse and react more emotionally than adults.
Knowing how the brain works can help parents under the science behind why teenagers have more meltdowns or in some cases, difficulty following instructions and taking orders. We are seeing a rise in teenage students losing stamina or motivation to complete school work and since the pandemic, this issue has become a real struggle in schools across the world!
So while our role as a nurturing caretaker, a support system, and a role model hasn’t changed, parents need to grow with their children and develop a few more traits of which patience and listening skills are perhaps to be highlighted!
Give your child space by letting them find their emotional outlet but always being present in their life. If you are too busy to be available for your child, then perhaps you need you reflect on your own activities and how they add value to your life and your family’s life. Instead of getting frustrated and giving up, help your child develop a structure and understanding the consequences of their actions. All teenagers can benefit from establishing routines and getting brain breaks. The topic of social media’s role in the life of your children needs to be addressed. These days adults are addicted to their cell phones and need validation by the number of likes they get on a post. Imagine how dramatic and irrational the daily lives of teenagers must be when their world revolves around social media!
In teenagers with behavior concerns, steering our children towards taking responsibility and ownership of their day is a small step in teaching them how to build their life. Teenagers have to make many decisions every single day. Their influences and pressures can sway them from the core values you have instilled in them, therefore it becomes necessary to revisit those value from time to time to serve as reminders and to reconnect.
Don’t be afraid to seek medical help. Don’t give up.
And while the world may have changed since you were a teenager, your privilege of being a parent will always be as special as it was many years ago.